Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
