i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
