i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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