Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
