mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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