he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
