He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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