Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know her cup size but not her name....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
