Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
