My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
