Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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