Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
