She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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