you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
