I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
