Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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