Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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