I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
