Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it hurts more in the daytime
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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