You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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