what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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