Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
