I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I touched a dick in church today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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