So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
