just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
