If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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