Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
