I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
