We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
