I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
