Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
