I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
