whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
