Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
third nipple confirmed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
