I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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