You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
