Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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