fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
