Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
