he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i out mim tonsoeep
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
