Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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