Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
