You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he shaved USA in his pubs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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