Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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