All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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