its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
