My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
