Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
