Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
