Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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