Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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