"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
